Super-simple ribbon bookmark

There's something about a big, heavy hardcover book that feels very... for real.

I like them a lot. And I like them best without a dust jacket, even though I know how important a dust jacket is if you want your nice books to stay nice. It's just that they detract from the old-timey credibility of a big, heavy book. They're too modern, too flashy. After all, no matter how practical it is to keep the dust jacket on, there's no denying that when you peek underneath, the book inside is at least 50% more appealing and impressive without it.

I guess that's true of people, too. Some people just look better naked. That's a fact. In one of my college life drawing classes, we had a model for the later part of the semester who was built absolutely perfectly from head to toe. Seriously, this girl was almost offensively good-looking. But I didn't recognize her at the end-of-class shindig because with clothes on, she really didn't look that great.

Come to think of it, I guess maybe she just didn't know how to dress. But you see what I'm saying. Wait. What was I...? Books?


Hardcover books are for fancy, is what I'm trying to say.

I especially love the metallic lettering on the covers of nice hardcover books. In a way, it's baffling that virtually every hardcover book, regardless of how highbrow it may be, gets its title gets stamped in foil. Especially in this age of cost-cutting and high fructose corn syrup. But I'll take it. It adds luxury, like when they edge the all the pages in gold.

And as we all know, the most luxurious part of the whole hardcover experience, the strongest tie to an age when books were the hottest thing going, is that little ribbon bookmark that they sew into the binding for your convenience.

Except when they don't.

What the hell, bookbinders?

I understand that sewing in a bookmark costs more than not sewing in a bookmark. I have a stable background in basic math and economics and I know that except in very rare cases, something costs more than nothing. There is no such thing as a free bookmark. But it's only a little piece of ribbon, bookbinders! Go ahead, spend the extra penny on us! We're worth it!

No?

No.

I don't know about you, but I have some huge hardcover books that for whatever reason just don't have the little ribbon bookmark. And I don't like it. Unlike crappy paperbacks, which are easy to keep my place in as long as I have some unopened American Express offers I haven't thrown out yet, I think reading nice books warrants using nice bookmarks. Nice books don't deserve to be stuffed with garbage. So for once, rather than complain, I decided to do something about it. I opened up my sewing box and made a one-size-fits-all fancy ribbon bookmark that I can use in all my favorite books. Voila!

Here it is. It's a fifteen-minute project, and all you need is some ribbon (enough to wrap vertically around your tallest book three times with a few inches to spare), something you can use as a slide (anything shaped like a figure 8 or a circle with a line through it will do, including actual bra slides if your ribbon is narrow), and a needle and thread.

I made this decorative slide out of a little brass charm I had and a bead that matches my ribbon. The charm was a circle, so I wrapped some wire securely around its middle like a belt. After that, all I had to do was sew one end of the ribbon to the wire-belt-part I had just made, which took about ten stitches. Ten sloppy stitches. Because no one is going to see them and I'm not good at sewing.

So, step one: Sew one end of your ribbon securely around the center of your slide.

Knowing that the ribbon will be going away from the slide in an upward direction, toward the top of the book, should help you determine which part of the ribbon is the back so you know where to do your sewing. My slide has a little loop with a bead dangling from it, so I wanted that to be the bottom. But if your slide doesn't have a top and bottom, it doesn't matter which side of the ribbon you face toward the front.

Either way, be sure to sew the ribbon as close as you can to the belt-part of your slide, so that the stitches will be hidden.

After it's sewn, all you have to do is put it on! The idea is the same as the way bra straps and other adjustable straps work. It's explained pretty well here, on a blog called 'You Sew, Girl.' These pictures may help if you still aren't sure what I mean:

Step two: To put it on, just place the slide against the front of the book, wrap the ribbon over and behind the front cover, and bring the ribbon back up to the slide. Then thread the end of the ribbon upward through the slide so that it holds tight to the front cover (remember the bra straps!), and the loose ribbon is at the top of the book. Man... this is not easy to illustrate verbally. More pictures?

Now it's a bookmark! You can run it down through the pages of your favorite fancy book and pretend it's sewn into the binding. (This is easiest if you're extremely gullible and have a short memory.)

Make it big enough to fit all your books and you can switch it from one book to another, depending on what you're reading. Then you'll always have a fancy bookmark to use, and your less expensive books can feel like a million bucks. Look at that! This just turned into something better than the thing it was made to replace! Take that, bookbinders. Your move.

If you have some favorite books you'd like to display, you can choose ribbon and hardware colors that complement the covers of each.

Since it's so quick to make, doing one for every book on your shelf may actually start to sound like a good idea. When you run out of books, you might even want to start making little ribbon straps for other things in your house, too, like your toothbrush or your microwave. I hope you don't do that, since it will mean you've lost your mind. But if you do make a bookmark for your microwave, please be sure to use a plastic slide and not a metal one. Safety first!

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Breakfast quinoa with fruit and honey

Hot cereal is not great. You know who knew that? My grandma. It didn't matter how much cinnamon or brown sugar or magic you put in it. Oatmeal, cream of wheat, that hot-grape-nuts stuff that people pretend to like... even if it reminded her of hot cereal, she wouldn't go near it. For the most part, she was right. Hot cereal is pretty squishy and gluey and meh.

In an offhand comment in a Q&A in Food Network Magazine, one of their celebrity chefs (someone named Ellie Krieger) mentioned that she likes quinoa with fruit, honey and milk as a hot cereal for breakfast.

So of course my first thought was, oh man, Grandma would have hated that. And then I thought, ...but it does sound kind of good.

There was no recipe or anything, but it sounded simple enough, so I made some. It was simple, and it was also lovely. It's nothing like hot cereal, in my opinion, so who knows, maybe even Grandma would've liked it. I'll be honest, that's a big maybe. She was very serious about avoiding hot cereal. But if the principle of a hot bowl of breakfast is something that you can tolerate, this is delicious.

First of all, the texture of quinoa is wonderful, and grows on me more each time I have it, with that wonderfully odd little crunchiness. It's so satisfying! And this version is at least as delicious as the savory kind. The sweetness and the texture and the hot quinoa with the cold fruit... I love it.

It takes less than 20 minutes to make, and I get to spend 15 of those minutes doing morning stuff, like washing my face and brushing my hair and staring at the floor, because the stove is doing all the work. And then at the end of 20 minutes, hot breakfast!

I probably don't even have to tell you about the complete protein found in quinoa, the excellent vitamins you can get from fruit, the good fatty acids in almond milk, or the possibility that you'll absorb potent bee-power from local honey. In fact, I can say from experience that breakfast quinoa gives you a solid kind of feelin'-good energy to head into your day, which is why it's my current number one favorite breakfast.

Don't be like that, Asian veggie patties and eggs. There has to be a second place.

Breakfast Quinoa

Makes 2 servings

• 2/3 cups quinoa, rinsed
• 1 1/3 cups almond milk
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• Chopped fruit (apples, bananas, berries, papaya — whatever's delicious)
• Honey

1. In a small saucepan, heat the milk, quinoa and vanilla until the milk begins to boil. Reduce heat to low (keep an eye on it, because even at low heat, the milk tends to froth), cover, and simmer for 15 minutes.
2. Divide the quinoa between two bowls, add chopped fruit, and drizzle honey to taste.

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Stack-a-boxty

Judith McLoughlin, author of The Ulster Kitchen and the upcoming Shamrock and the Peach, lives and teaches here in Atlanta. I had the pleasure of meeting her briefly (and tasting her incredible lemon curd and scones*) a few years ago at an eco-fashion event, and recently started following her blog, Judith, the Irish Foodie.

This lady is full of fantastic recipes. She seems to have a knack for making dishes both exquisite and comforting, and that seems crazy to me. Most food is either fancy or unfancy, but she manages to combine the two somehow. Fancy and unfancy! Tea and no tea! Alive cat in the box and dead cat in the box! Okay, I'm veering away from dinner-talk. Back it up.

So Judith posted a recipe for BLT Boxty Bites and I'm reblogging it because it's terrific.

I tend to skip a lot of great-looking recipes if they're for dishes I have zero familiarity with. If I haven't eaten something before, I worry that I won't know if I've made it right or not. And I hadn't eaten boxty before. But these cute little boxty bites had been taunting me for close to two weeks, and eventually I had to face the fact that I wanted to try the damn recipe. So I started to convince myself that I probably couldn't really mess it up. Potatoes? Good. Bread? Good. Easy. Let's go.

I know I should have gone out to find expertly-prepared boxty first, but I decided to jump in and would you believe it, it turned out wonderfully. It looks like the pictures, but past that, I have no idea if it's right. I just know it's yummy. And fun! We pulled out our entire (embarrassingly broad) selection of condiments and spreads and cheeses and fruits and stacked up all the bites we could think of. I even made a note of my favorite three combinations and tacked them on to the recipe so I can make them again next time.

Now that I know how great this stuff is, I'm definitely going to seek out that expertly-prepared boxty. I'll let you know how it stacks up (get it? hey, get it?).

Judith's Boxty Bread rounds

(Makes 24)

• 2 medium baking potatoes, peeled
• 1 cup flour
• ½ tsp baking powder
• ½ tsp salt
• ¼ cup Kerrygold Dubliner Cheese (I used shredded cheddar that I had on hand, which is blander but worked out okay)
• 1 Tbsp butter, melted
• ¼ cup whole milk (I used almond milk)
• Spinach, arugula, or other greens

1. Cut potato into quarters and place in a saucepan with cold salted water. Bring water to a boil and cook for 15-20 minute until potatoes are fork-tender. Drain, and allow potatoes to dry out on low heat for a few moments in a colander. Mash the potato.
2. Sift the flour, baking powder and salt together in a big bowl. Add 1 cup of your mashed potatoes (you don't need the rest). Stir in the cheese, milk and melted butter. 
3. Knead lightly on a floured surface.
4. Roll out to ¼" depth with a floured rolling pin and cut with a 1" biscuit cutter. (What? You don't have a biscuit cutter? Neither do I! Try a shot glass. A little tougher, but it worked for me.)
5. Sprinkle a little flour on your griddle or a flat pan. Cook boxty bread bites in small batches on medium heat for 3-4 minutes on each side until the crust is golden brown. When they're done, set them on a plate and keep them warm while you make stacks.
6. To prepare for stacking, dress your greens with a little olive oil, salt and pepper.

Boxty Bite Stacking Ideas:

Judith's original BLT Boxty Bites
To create the original recipe, add these things in this order:

1. Mayonnaise
2. Dressed greens
3. Bacon
4. Roasted tomatoes 

Sweet-and-Spicy stack
Add these things in this order:

1. Spicy Chinese mustard
2. Sweet Thai chili sauce
3. Dressed greens
4. Snapea Crisps (these are baked, salted sugar snap peas, sold as a salad topping; other crispy vegetables would be fine)

Red Pepper stack
Add these things in this order: 

1. Low-fat cream cheese or goat cheese spread
2. Dressed greens
3. Roasted red pepper
4. Garlic powder (optional)

Jalapeno-Raspberry stack
Add these things in this order:

1. Emily G's Jalapeno Raspberry Jam
2. Dressed greens
3. Farm-fresh mozzarella 

* I feel like you're going to be looking for a double entendre there, and I assure you there is none.

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Singapore Noodles: Totally not from actual Singapore

Family Circle is an American institution. A very American institution. They've been delivering top-notch food publications since Hoover was in office. But to be fair, they've probably spent about as much time in the island nation of Singapore as Family Circus has.

So don't go into this little stir-fry recipe expecting authenticity, is all I'm saying.

However, if you go in with expectations of crunchy veggies and sweet, subtle curry noodles you're going to be delighted. One arena in which my old Family Circle cookbook has never failed me (okay, except this one time when I tried a recipe for some kind of red cabbage with apples, beets and raisins all boiled in vinegar but that was certainly an exception and I have to take part of the blame for being stupid enough to try it because it said 'cabbage' and 'raisins' and 'vinegar' right there in the ingredients) is colorful, healthful, veg-ful dinners that are almost too simple to make. This one, like so many FC recipes, is tasty and refreshing and takes only a few minutes to throw together. It even comes in at under 400 calories per serving... if you can stop at one serving.

I added some additional veggies and hot pepper for a little somethin', and I used lo mein instead of egg noodles, but the rest of the recipe came straight out of Family Circle.

Oh! You know what you should have with it? A light salad, with this perfect ginger dressing that I found a couple of years ago at the Frantic Home Cook. (I can't seem to find the dressing recipe on her site anymore, but good news! At some point, I wrote the ingredients on a post-it which I stuck to the Singapore Noodles cookbook page. See below.) The salad makes a wonderful cold complement to the noodles, and it couldn't be easier to throw together.

I mean, I guess it could, like if it was just lettuce out of a bag or something... with the dressing from the packet that comes inside the bag... so you just tear it open and make your whole salad with one hand while you watch TV... and then maybe you go ahead and just eat it out of the bag so you won't have any dishes to do... but that doesn't sound like you. Nah. You're gonna make the ginger dressing. I can tell. And I support you.

Singapore Noodles with Pork and Vegetables

• 8 oz lo mein noodles or medium-wide egg noodles
• 1 tsp Oriental sesame oil
• 3 tsp vegetable oil
• 8 oz trimmed lean boneless pork loin, sliced into thin strips
• 1 large onion, sliced into wedges
• 1 medium-size sweet red pepper, sliced thin
• 1 tbsp fresh ginger, minced or grated
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 1 tsp curry powder
• 1 tsp cayenne pepper (optional)
• 1/2 lb sugar snap peas
• 1 pint shiitake mushrooms
• 3 small zucchini (about 5 oz each), sliced about 1/4" thick
• 1 1/2 cups chicken broth
• 1 tbsp cornstarch
• 1 tbsp soy sauce
• 4 large green onions, sliced (1/2 cup)

1. Bring a pot of water to a boil while you prepare all your vegetables. Cook the noodles according to the package directions. They can be in the pot whilst you're stir-frying the vegetables, as long as you remember to keep an eye on them so they won't get overcooked.
2. Heat 2 tablespoons of vegetable oil in a wok or big fat skillet. Add pork and stir-fry for a couple minutes, just until cooked through. Remove the pork with a slotted spoon and put it in a bowl for a while.
3. Add the remaining tablespoon oil to the pan. Add onion and red pepper; stir-fry 2 minutes. Add ginger, garlic and curry; stir-fry 1 minute. Add snap peas, mushrooms and zucchini; stir fry 1 minute. Remove from heat.
4. In a small bowl, mix together a little chicken broth, the cornstarch, and the soy sauce. Once the lumps are gone, add the rest of the chicken broth. Pour the mixture into the pan with the vegetables, and return the whole thing to medium heat. Stir constantly until the broth boils and remains boiling for one minute. Add cooked, drained noodles, pork and green onion. Heat to serving temperature and serve immediately.

Soy-Ginger Salad

• 1/4 cup light mayo
• 2 tbsp rice wine vinegar
• 2 tbsp honey
• 2 tsp sesame oil
• 1 tsp soy sauce
• 1 tsp ground ginger
• Spinach, rinsed and trimmed
• Radishes, cucumbers, and carrots, sliced thin
• Snapea Crisps or crunchy chow mein noodles

1. Mix the first six ingredients (mayo through ginger) in a little bowl. Whisk until smooth. If it's thicker than you like it, add a little more vinegar. 
2. Toss the salad ingredients together, pour dressing over the top, and serve.

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The pollen... THE POLLEN

When you're talking pollen count (you freaking nerd), there are some numbers you need to know if you're going to successfully convert the weather report into practical units of misery. For instance, "normal" is somewhere in the 30–60 range, so anything above that is likely to bother somebody with allergies. When the pollen count reaches 100–120+, it's considered "extremely high." That's where the chart stops.

In the past week, Atlanta's pollen count has peaked around 5,800.

So on those occasions when I have a head — when I haven't sneezed it right off — I've been trying to come up with protective remedies. I tried a dose of allergy meds. Nothing. Double dose of allergy meds, double nothing. I picked up some of that allergy gel that you smear on yourself to, I don't know, distract the pollen a little bit. But the one thing that has really helped? Never leaving the house. I ardently recommend it.

My defense strategy does have a second tier, though, and that's to eat more foods that supposedly help with allergies. I did some research and put together this top 10 list of foods that allergy-sufferers like myself cannot get enough of:

• Cold-water fish (salmon, trout, mackerel, pike)
• Apples
• Garlic
• Onions
• Ginger
• Spinach
  
• Cashews
• Walnuts
• Wheat germ
  
• Pineapple

I compiled this information from the Internet. I realize that it would have been no harder for some joker to inaccurately classify walnuts as helpful than it would be for me to add Oreos to the list now. But I cross-referenced a number of sources and I'm faaaairly confident that there might be something to the claims that these foods have anti-inflammatory properties. And even if I'm wrong, it's not like a few cashews ever hurt anybody.

Eh? Oh, right, nut allergies. Crap. Well... this is about outdoor allergies only.

Anyway, I'm keeping an eye out for more recipes that feature stuff on the top 10 list. Does anyone out there have any favorites or suggestions to help me out?

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Sneaky eggplant jambalaya

Lately, the threat of crippling sniffles has kept me mostly indoors. That trapped feeling has helped me finally remember to pack a lunch before work. I've even started thinking about weekday lunches when I'm preparing dinner! (Like when I got some extra wonton soup, pictured, from the Chinese delivery place over the weekend. What? Ordering counts as preparing.)

Jambalaya makes tons of leftovers and reheats really beautifully, shrimp and all. Since I've been on sort of a superfood kick lately, I decided to make up a version that sneaks in a bunch of good-for-you things.

Like eggplant.

Hear me out.

You'd never know there's eggplant in it. It lends a little extra richness to the overall flavor, but then it disappears like a spectre into the shadows, leaving behind only a high-mineral-high-fiber memory. That's right! You're getting healthy off memories here!

I snuck some quinoa in, too, which looks pretty and makes you feel good about how much protein you're getting. If you don't have any on hand, skip it, no harm done. But if you do, throw it in. What else you got? Cranberries? Go for it, they're catabolic! What, no yogurt?

Just kidding. Ha, ha! Please don't put cranberries in your jambalaya. Also yogurt. Maybe just... follow the recipe.

Sneaky Eggplant Jambalaya

• 1 lb hot turkey Italian sausage, cut into chunks
• 1 lb shrimp, peeled, shells and tails reserved
• 1 large eggplant
• 1 large onion, diced
• 1 green bell pepper, diced
• 3 stalks celery, diced
• 4 cloves garlic, minced 
• 1 bay leaf
• 1 tsp ground cloves
• 4 cups rice
• 3/4 cup raw quinoa, rinsed
• Cayenne pepper to taste
• Olive oil
• Water
• Chicken stock (optional)

1. In a medium pot, boil shrimp shells and tails in 4 cups water, along with a couple of tablespoons each of your diced onion and diced celery, the bay leaf, and the cloves. Reduce the heat and allow it to simmer for about 45 minutes, then strain into a bowl and discard the solids. Set aside.
2. Meanwhile, peel the eggplant and cut it into 1" cubes. Set aside (it may oxidize and brown, but that's all right).
3. In a big, shallow pot or deep pan, heat about a tablespoon of oil over medium-high heat and add sausage. Brown sausage, remove to a bowl, and set aside.
4. Quickly add onions, peppers, celery, and garlic to the hot pan and cook until vegetables begin to stick to the pan, stirring frequently to prevent the garlic from browning. Toss in eggplant and saute for 5–10 minutes. Pour 2 cups of the shrimp stock over vegetables and allow to reduce by half.
5. Stir in rice and quinoa. Season with cayenne pepper (add additional seasonings, such as garlic powder, as desired).
6. Put the cooked sausage and the raw shrimp into the pot.
7. Add the remaining 2 cups of fish stock and any additional water (or, if you rather, chicken stock) needed to completely cover the rice. Return to boiling, then reduce heat to medium-low and allow to simmer for 25–35 minutes or until rice is tender. Check periodically to make sure there's still some liquid in there; if there isn't, add more, 1/4 cup at a time, to ensure correct cooking.
8. Serve hot. The eggplant will have become very soft, so if you wish to eradicate the eggplant evidence, some extra stirring should take care of that. When storing leftovers, allow jambalaya to cool to room temperature before placing in an airtight container in the fridge.

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Banana fritters

We forgot about the bananas again.

With little more to work with than two overripe bananas and a zucchini from John's mom, who had bought zucchini in bulk and quickly grown extremely tired of zucchini, I wasn't sure I'd be able to figure out anything delicious to make. But I noticed that people do seem to like banana and zucchini together in bread form, so I started to wonder if there was some other non-bread way to make that happen.

A recipe for Spicy Banana Zucchini Balls, which I found on Cafe Nilson, made all the sense in the world. Fritters! Yum! Curry... probably also yum, but not what I was in the mood for. I felt like something sweet, not a savory banana adventure. But after a few quick tweaks and 15 minutes in the kitchen, I had a sweet, crispy, delicious banana fritter dessert, with soft smooshy insides. It's got oats and zucchini (good for you!) but it's also fried in oil (um), so I'm not sure what kind of health-rating I can hope to net here. What do you think?

Sweet Banana Zucchini Fritters

• 1 cup coarsely grated zucchini, squeezed dry
• 1 large banana, mashed
• 1 egg, beaten
• 3 tbs honey
• 2 tsp vanilla extract
• 1/4 tsp baking soda
• 1/4 cup oats
• 1/2 cup panko breadcrumbs
• 1/2 cup flour (more if required)
• vegetable oil for frying

1.  Mix everything together (well, everything but the vegetable oil, geez) in a pretty big bowl. When it's all in, you should aim for a consistency somewhere between batter and dough, so you might need to add more flour if the mixture is too runny like a batter. You definitely shouldn't be able to roll a ball out of your dough, but when you drop it in the pan, you don't want it to spread out like a pancake, either.
2. Heat some oil (less than 1/2" is plenty) in a big pan over medium-high heat. 
3. Drop a blob of batter (a heaping tablespoon or more, depending on the size of fritter you want) into the pan. You can do more than one at a time, of course, but be certain to keep a vigilant eye on all of them. Let them brown, then roll them around so you can get them crispy on all sides, but not too dark. When a fritter is cooked, remove it from the pan and set it on a paper towel to drain.
4. Serve hot with extra honey for dipping.

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Keen on quinoa

Quinoa looks to be gaining popularity as a trendy food. Let's keep that going, everybody, because quinoa is incredible and we should be eating it all the time. I truly don't understand why I had never heard of this stuff until maybe last year. Unless... is this a massive hoax? Was quinoa secretly developed in a lab in 2007 and given a false history to help make it credible? Did a handful of scientists hire a team of actors to pose as Inca-descended quinoa eaters in South America and instruct them to tell everyone their people have been eating quinoa for 6,000 years? If so, what are they paying these actors, and how can they afford it when quinoa is at Whole Foods for only $5 a bag?

Important questions, but let's set them aside for the moment and just appreciate how delicious and super-crazy-nutritious quinoa is. Because for carb-lovers like me, a grain that doubles as a complete protein really does seem too good to be true, and if it's for real then who cares where it came from? EAT IT.

I got this recipe for quinoa pilaf from Dinna with Donna, a blog where a bunch of my favorite recipes come from. She's a dietetic technician, so I know I can trust her recipes to be good for me. Some of that trust may also derive from the fact that she's my mom.

At any rate, this is my favorite way to prepare quinoa. It's really tasty (the vegetables do a good job of keeping the quinoa company, since the flavor of quinoa on its own is a little shy). Plus, once you've got your quinoa cooked, it takes less than ten minutes to get it on the table, which seems like a bonus to me because of all the times I can remember trying to get a whole meal to be ready at the same time and all of a sudden I realize the fish is done and oh my god where is the rice.

Quinoa pilaf would never do that to you.

Quinoa Pilaf

Ingredients

• 1/2c fresh carrots, diced
• 1/4c fresh celery, diced
• 1/2c fresh peppers, diced (red, yellow, green, hot)
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 2 tbsp butter
• 2 tbsp olive oil
• 6c Quinoa, cooked using basic recipe (on the package)
• 1/4c green onions, diced
• 1c almonds, slivered (but I used sliced)
• 1/4 tsp oregano
• Salt and pepper to taste

Preparation

1. In a large skillet, saute the diced carrots, celery, peppers and garlic in butter or olive oil until crisp.
2. Stir in the oregano and green onions.
3. Add the cooked quinoa. Season to taste with salt and pepper.
4. Add almonds and serve. SO EASY.

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Martha Stewart's Friend's Thai Chicken Soup

One day at the gym last year, I forgot my headphones and got stuck on the elliptical machine with nothing but the YMCA's slim collection of discarded magazines to entertain me. I had two hundred parenting magazines and a Martha Stewart Living to choose from. So.

First, I learned about tomato gardening. It's not a particular interest of mine — I'm a terrible gardener and I don't love tomatoes — but for the next week, I knew a whole lot more about tomatoes than I usually do. (I kept most of it to myself. I hate to come off as a tomato snob.)

Then I read an appallingly pretentious article about this appallingly pretentious person who has her pretentious friends over for appalling wine-tasting "parties" where they play little wine-tasting party games (e.g. covering the bottles in a paper bag and guessing which wine is inside just by the taste!) for a big, pretentious laugh. It was apparent that the author had never heard of fun before in her life.

The third thing I read in Living was a recipe for some very, very complicated soup. It involved day-ahead preparation, making your own stock, and all sorts of crazy things that only Martha Stewart or some destitute-but-haughty pioneer family would do, if they had had access to soba noodles and kombu..

But it sounded delicious.

So I followed the recipe, adjusting here and there to accommodate, you know, reality. I made it again later, and switched the napa cabbage out for Swiss rainbow chard, because chard is in season and is crazy nutritious. I made some other adjustments, too, to make it quicker and less fussy—because at one point, the original recipe had me counting mushrooms as I served the soup. I felt like such a patsy.

And the soup? Good, quite. Different for me (I don't know Thai so I don't cook it) but good. Here's the original recipe, and below, the same recipe with my adjustments. It still teeters on the edge of too time-intensive for me, but it's definitely doable, and since I can make enough for leftovers during the week, I get to see a return on that initial time investment.

Ingredients

Serves 4

• 4 chicken legs or 2 breasts
• 2 sheets kombu, trimmed into 1-inch squares
• 1 small package fresh shiitake mushrooms
• 1 medium onion, diced
• 3 scallions, stems trimmed, chopped
• 3 garlic cloves, minced
• 1 piece (3 inches) ginger, grated
• 1 jalapeno pepper, minced
• 1 medium carrot, julienned... or a handful of baby carrots
• 4–5 units (...?) of Swiss chard
• 8 ounces soba
  
• 4 tablespoons soy sauce
• 2 tablespoons sake
• 12 large shell-on shrimp (optional)
• 1 package (14 ounces) firm tofu, drained, patted dry, and cut into 1-inch cubes (optional)
• Chile sauce for serving

Directions

1. Buy all the ingredients. Might have to go to Whole Foods for that, might not.
   
2. Start with the chicken. Place chicken in pot with onions, ginger, jalapeno and garlic, fill up with water enough to cover the chicken, and bring to a boil. 
3. Prepare the chard by trimming the leaves off the stems, setting aside the leaves, and chopping the stems into 3/4" pieces. Toss the stem bits into the pot.
4. Add any additional (optional) seasoning to the pot, then keep at a light boil until the chicken appears to be cooked through.
5. Add kombu, shiitakes, onion, scallions, and carrot to the pot. If necessary, add enough water to cover. Reduce heat, and simmer, covered, for 1 hour.
6. If you like clear soup, strain broth into a second pot. Reserve mushrooms, chicken, chard stems, and any other solid pieces you like the look of; discard the rest.
7. Slice the mushrooms. Pull the chicken from the chicken bones and shred it. Return the meat to the pot and discard the bones. 
8. Cook soba according to package directions and toss it in a large bowl with oil or a ladleful of broth to keep it from sticking.
9. Add soy sauce and sake to broth, and return to a boil. Tear up the chard leaves into reasonable (about 1–2") pieces and toss them into the pot to wilt. 
10. Add shrimp and/or tofu (if using), and boil until cooked through, about 2 minutes. Catch and peel shrimp, leaving tails intact.
11. Serve with individual ramekins of chili sauce so that everyone can add as much heat to their bowl as they like.

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Bacon and egg rolls

I love southwest egg rolls so much. I always order them if I see them on the menu. I like regular egg rolls, too, the Chinese kind, with all the crunchiness and shrimp and stuff. In fact, you could say that I've long been a fan of the egg roll, but never a student. No way. Too complicated.

What I didn't know was that egg rolls actually don't involve any kind of mystical tradition handed down between generations in the mysterious Far East. Or maybe they do, but you don't need to be privy to it in order to make some.

You just go look by the tofu and buy a pack of egg roll wrappers. Then you can pretty much make any kind of crazy egg rolls you want.

I started with southwest egg rolls. And they. Were amazing.

I made up the filling (seemed simple enough), and then skipped the deep frying. That's right, they're not deep fried! I mean, they are definitely fried in oil, so I don't expect anyone to stand up and deliver a toast to my stunning ability to cut back fat from traditional dishes, but they're not deep fried and there's got to be at least a medal or a plaque or something coming to me for that.

For dinner, I served these egg rolls with bacon-fried yellow rice and maduros, along with a chipotle sour cream and a lime sour cream for dipping. And beer. It was awesome. For breakfast? Same recipe, but I added scrambled eggs to the filling, and served them with bacon. Okay, and yeah, I still included that chipotle sour cream. But no beer. Don't be gross.

Southwest egg rolls

• 2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
• 1 medium onion, diced
• 1 small jalapeno pepper, diced
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 6 oz. canned yellow corn, drained
• 1 8 oz. can black beans, drained
• Shredded cheese (I like the Mexican Four-Cheese Blend)
• Egg roll skins/wrappers
• Olive oil
• Canola/vegetable oil
• Spices (Cumin, cilantro, oregano, saffron recommended)
• 3 scrambled eggs (if you're making breakfast; otherwise, omit!)

1. Cook the chicken. Tip: It's a good idea to marinate it ahead of time, up to about a day, in the fridge. (I used olive oil, white wine vinegar, minced garlic, black pepper, and cilantro.) After that, you can cook your chicken however you like. I sauteed mine on the stove, but had I the option, I'd definitely have grilled it. Up to you. Just cook your chicken and set it aside to cool.
2. Heat about a tablespoon of olive oil in a big pan over medium-high heat. Put the onion and pepper in and saute them, stirring frequently, until the onion begins to turn translucent. Add the garlic and saute for another 30–60 seconds, making certain not to brown it.
3. Add the beans to the pan and heat through. Mash about 1/4 of the beans up a bit with the back of your spoon.
4. Add the corn to the pan as well. Cook, tossing often, for about 5 minutes. Remove from the pan into a bowl and allow to cool slightly. Wipe the pan out a bit if there are bits still in it; you'll want this pan to fry the egg rolls.
5. While your filling cools, study the illustrations on the back of your egg roll package if you haven't rolled them before. They are very helpful.
6. Roll 'em up. Lay a wrapper out (while you're working with one, you should keep the rest either sealed up in a zip-loc or hidden under a damp towel, to keep them from drying out). Place a couple of spoonfuls of filling (including egg if you're using it) in the middle of the diamond, sprinkle some cheese on, roll it up, wet the flap, seal it, and place it flap-side-down on a tray or cutting board.
7. When all your egg rolls are rolled up, heat about 1/2 inch of canola oil in your pan again over medium-high. (If you were deep frying, you'd want it at 350, which sounds pretty hot.) Prepare a place for the finished egg rolls to go, like a big plate with some paper towels on it, to drain the oil. 
8. When the oil is hot enough, use tongs to carefully place as many egg rolls as will comfortably fit (no touching!) flap-side-down. By the time you get them all in, it may be time to turn the first one over, so be vigilant! As they begin to brown, flip them over. Once the reverse browns, you should be able to stand them on their sides so they brown all the way around. The ends won't get fried, but you won't notice. Once they're nice and brown and crispy all the way around, gently remove them from the pan and place them in the paper towel nest that you made for them. Let them sit for five minutes so nobody will get burned.
9. Serve!

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Happy Easter! Give me your tie!

You may have heard of silk-dyed easter eggs, because it's a two-year-old Martha Stewart craft. That is, it was published on her site two years ago. It's not for two-year-olds. It's easy to do, but it's not that easy. It involves eggs. And scissors. If you have a two-year-old you'd probably better go ahead and lock him in the bathroom or whatever you do to secure a toddler. This stuff isn't safe.

The project came to my attention for the first time a couple of weeks ago, in the form of a mysterious kit being sold on Etsy that included twelve scraps of silk and some twist ties. Once I figured out what the hell I was looking at, I was impressed. I checked it out on Our Best Bites, the Mom Blog Network, and a bunch of other blogs (did you know that everyone and their mother has blogged this project except me? and my mother? Mom, looks like you're next). I read about it so many times, I started to feel like I had done it myself. A hundred times. I'm an old pro at this, I thought! Might as well give it a shot.

So I bought three ties at a thrift store and a dozen eggs from the grocer (the cheap kind, because I thought they might get ruined, and/or I'd forget to eat them and/or I'd be afraid to) and got to work.

Cutting the ties was easy. Lots of stitches, yeah, but it turns out neckties are constructed very simply, so you only have to snip maybe three stitches per seam and you're home free. Once I cut them into squares big enough to wrap an egg, I was able to get three per tie. So I should have bought one more.

Wrapping the eggs (with the good side of the tie face in, touching the egg) was easy, too. If you don't have any twist ties, I figured out you can some old beading wire, which works great although it isn't as easy on the fingers. But whatever, because I got it done, and John gave me an old t-shirt to cut up and I wrapped the little eggs up in their little shirts and that was it, pretty much, project done.

The eggs went into a pot with some water and vinegar, came to a boil, and simmered for 20 minutes while I wandered off to do something else. I turned the heat down a little too low, though, so at the end I turned it up again and gave them an extra five minutes. Since I pulled one egg out to test before the final five minutes, I found out for a fact that it made a difference for the better. So now we know. Looks like my impatience has paid off once again! You can thank me later, science.

They turned out so beautifully! The brightest, most vibrant colors transfer the best, but it's the surprises that are really fun. The tie I thought was the ugliest, in the mustardy-gold color with magenta spots, came out in a light springy green for no reason I can see at all. It must be an Easter miracle.

The one I thought would be un-Eastery because it was a small, dark geometric print proved to be super cool looking. It's kind of grey-blue with yellow, but it doesn't look dark at all, and the geometric dots combined with the organic wrapping pattern is great.

And the last tie—hideous tie—was printed in loud magentas and purples and golds with postage stamps and postmarks and not only did the colors transfer beautifully, but look! Is that a queen I spy on my egg?

I figure my eggs probably won't get eaten. Come on, leave me alone. I feel bad enough already. But nowhere on any of my tie labels did it say, "Go ahead, eat this tie, you'll be fine." I checked twice. Martha and the Internet both seem pretty sure it's safe, but I don't know. You know?

Anyway. Happy Easter!

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